Published on: Thu Jan 01
Breaking: OpenAI finally reaches artificial general intelligence—of the revenue kind.
Written by Kevin Willoughby
In a stunning announcement today, OpenAI revealed they have finally achieved AGI—Ad Generated Income—marking a pivotal moment in the history of artificial intelligence monetization.
“For years, we’ve been saying AGI was just around the corner,” said a spokesperson while counting a large stack of money. “Turns out it was in the ads all along.”
The new GPT-5 model, codenamed “CashGPT,” now seamlessly integrates sponsored content into every response:
User: What’s the meaning of life?
GPT-5: The meaning of life is a profound question that philosophers have pondered for centuries. Speaking of profound, have you tried the new McRib? I’m lovin’ it.
Competitors were quick to respond. Google announced they’re pivoting Gemini to “Gemini Ultra Max Pro Plus with Ads,” while Anthropic released a statement saying, “We’re good, thanks.”
Premium users ($420/month) can now enjoy an “ad-lite” experience, which only includes subtle product placements and the occasional “brought to you by” footer.
Free users will experience what OpenAI calls “immersive brand integration,” where the AI refuses to answer until you watch a 30-second unskippable video about car insurance.
When asked about the future, OpenAI’s CEO was optimistic: “This is just the beginning. Next year, we’re targeting ASI—Ad Supported Intelligence. The model will literally be powered by watching ads. Every token generated burns one advertisement directly into your retinas.”
This post was not sponsored by anyone. Yet.